Unlike most of my postings, this isn't a rant. It isn't a blurb. It doesn't even contain any pictures. It's just me...
The past four years have been an emotional roller coaster for me. One moment is filled with hope, joy, friends... while the next only offers devastation, depression, and loneliness. While writing this my mood is completely neutral. I'm stressed. Very stressed. But I'm okay. The last month has done nothing but cause anxiety and make me realize that there are a lot of misconceptions about me and who I am as a person, so I decided to clear things up a bit.
Firstly, I'm not "stuck up". I don't "think I'm better than everyone else", or anywhere close. I simply guard myself very closely and do my best to keep people at arms length. Why? Trust is something that doesn't come easily for me. I used to trust. Quite often actually. But people betray you, pull you down, and expose you. For quite some time, these things happened in regular intervals. Eventually part of me gave up, and quit trying. I quit attempting to make friends and began to rely on myself. Naturally, I'm an outgoing person and I really enjoy having fun. You just have to give me time to relax, trust, and feel comfortable. Something that many people fail to do, therefore not many actually know me. In fact, my Twitter followers know me better than anyone at school.
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Next... I'm not insanely wealthy. I really don't understand why people jump to this conclusion. If I had *that* much money, would I really be living here? No. I would've been in California by now.
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Quite frankly, I can't stand the games people play. This is mainly the reason I quit attempting to date. It's not worth the trouble for me. In the end I get hurt because I never do the "right thing" so she always moves on. It's a cat and mouse game and I always lose. For the most part I'm upfront with others and I tell the truth. I would really appreciate the same in return.
Playing "hard to get" makes me like you more in the beginning, move on more quickly, and hate you in the end. I refuse to put forth all of the effort in any relationship or friendship. Get over yourself, because I'm not going to deal with it.
As I mentioned, the last month as been a horrible time for my anxiety. I invested time, opened myself up, and ended up being screwed over. It's not a good feeling, but unfortunately I'm very familiar with it. I've learned not to expect anything from people and they can't disappoint you. Until now I had't been screwed over in about a year, so my strategy has worked very well. :)
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The past 18 years I've had so many things crammed down my throat. Christianity, conservative politics, and sports have been thrown at me harder than anything. I now, detest all three.
Christianity has been nothing but a disappointment. At one point I was fairly religious, not crazy, but religious. I eventually realized that being religious doesn't make someone more moral or a better person. In fact, all of my non religious friends are amazing people and treat others much better than many of my religious colleagues. Religion doesn't bring about morals. Morals are all you.
To me there isn't any religion that actually makes sense. I don't understand how an almighty being can magically create the world. Thats my decision though. Respect it, and don't force religion on me. I don't respect anyone any less because of their religion, please do the same. :)
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I'm tired of immaturity. Anyone can have fun and act like a complete idiot. Just shut the hell up and show respect for the person speaking.
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There's probably a lot more that I didn't mention, but thats enough for now. I'm tired of taking shit from people. So there it is, a quick summary of why...
